Welcome,
I can't remember the last time I celebrated Valentine's Day, but if I had to guess, it was about ten years ago. Back then, it was the typical routine—dinner, flowers, chocolates. But after my divorce in 2014, I started questioning everything, and Valentine's Day was one of those things.
Why had it turned into a competition, an excuse to spend unnecessary money, and a day where people felt pressured to play along?
And, while I keep saying that history isn’t always the most reliable source, from what we've uncovered, it seems far removed from what we've been led to believe. That said, I love a good opportunity to create ceremony in life, and I wanted to see if there was any authentic connection I could make
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The Saintly Beginnings of Valentine’s Day
One of the possible origins of Valentine’s Day is traced back to an early Christian saint named Valentinus. The most popular legend involves Saint Valentine of Rome, a priest who was martyred around 270 CE during the reign of Emperor Claudius II. According to legend, Claudius had banned marriage for young men, believing that single men made better soldiers.
Saint Valentine defied this decree by secretly performing weddings for couples. For his disobedience, he was imprisoned and later executed on February 14th.
While in prison, Valentine allegedly fell in love with the jailer’s daughter and sent her a letter signed, "From your Valentine," a gesture that supposedly inspired today’s romantic notes.
Lupercalia: A Pagan Festival of Fertility
But there is a link to a time before Saint Valentine. It’s often speculated that Valentine’s Day has its roots in the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia, and it’s not hard to see why. Lupercalia was observed on February 15 and involved fertility rituals—along with animal sacrifice and ritual whipping. The festival, which dates back to at least the sixth century BCE, predates Christianity by centuries.
Lupercalia was rooted in the legend of Romulus and Remus, the mythical founders of Rome. According to tradition, the twins were abandoned as infants and saved by a she-wolf who nursed them in a cave known as the Lupercal. The festival honored this story and was overseen by priests called Luperci, whose name is believed to derive from lupus, meaning “wolf.”
I'm about to share the apparent festive practice, maybe accurate or not.
At its peak, Lupercalia was apparently a chaotic and sexually charged affair. The Luperci priests began the festival at the Lupercal Cave, where they sacrificed a dog and one or more male goats. Two young priests were then smeared with the blood of the sacrifice, which was wiped away with wool soaked in milk. They would then laugh, symbolizing purification and renewal. Strips of the sacrificed goats, known as februa, were cut and used later in the festivities.
The celebrations then moved into the streets of Rome. The Luperci, either naked or nearly so, ran through the city striking women with the februa. This was considered a fertility rite, and many women would willingly expose their hands or bodies to the lashes, believing it would promote conception and ease childbirth.
Over time, the practice evolved, with women being struck only on the hands, and the nudity diminishing as Roman customs changed.
Another tradition of Lupercalia involved a form of matchmaking. Men would draw women’s names from jars, and the pair would be coupled for the duration of the festival—sometimes leading to longer-lasting relationships or even marriage.
By the late 5th century CE, Pope Gelasius I banned Lupercalia, as its pagan origins clashed with Christianity’s growing influence. Some believe he replaced it with the Feast of Saint Valentine, though historical evidence supporting this claim is inconclusive.
The Rise of the Valentine’s Day Industry
Formal messages, or valentines, appeared in the 1500s, and by the late 1700s, commercially printed cards were in circulation. The first commercial valentines in the United States were printed in the mid-1800s. These valentines commonly depicted Cupid, the Roman god of love, along with hearts, traditionally seen as the seat of emotion.
Birds also became a symbol of the day, as it was believed that their mating season began in mid-February. Traditional gifts include candy and flowers, particularly red roses, a symbol of beauty and love.
Valentine’s Day became more commercialized during the 18th and 19th centuries when exchanging handwritten notes of affection gained popularity. In 1840, Esther Howland, known as the "Mother of the American Valentine," began mass-producing Valentine cards in the U.S., introducing decorative lace, ribbons, and romantic imagery.
Fast forward to the 20th century, and companies like Hallmark took the tradition to a new level. By the 1910s, Hallmark began producing Valentine’s Day cards, setting the stage for what would later be dubbed a "Hallmark holiday." The commercialization expanded to include chocolates, jewelry, flowers, and lavish dinners, transforming the day into a multi-billion-dollar industry (of course).
Reclaiming Valentine’s Day: Authentic Ways to Celebrate Love and Fertility
To celebrate or not to celebrate?
Get clear on what the celebration means to you. What is your intention, knowing everything you now know?
Can you unhook from the Hallmark holiday and channel your love and appreciation in creative ways?
If love is our essence and everything else is a delusion, how can we connect with that?
Here are some ways to celebrate love and fertility:
Practice with the Earth – Make offerings to the land as a way of honoring love in all its forms.
Celebrate loved ones – Share poems, write letters, or verbally express your love and appreciation within your relationships.
Honor yourself – Engage in self-love rituals that nourish your body, mind, and spirit.
Connect with ancestors – Reflect on those who came before you, honoring the lineage of love passed through generations.
Acknowledge the women before, present, and yet to come – Recognize the stories, struggles, and strength of women throughout history and in the present moment.
Conclusion: Love Beyond Commerce
We are left with breadcrumbs of history, fragments of traditions interwoven across time. What does this mean for us now? I feel a strong calling to shift the narrative—to hold space for love and honor fertility, womb health, and mother-centered care. May love continue to prevail, may all be liberated from the chains of expectation, and may we meet each other in love, beyond history, beyond commerce, beyond illusion.
What are your thoughts? Comment Below.
Love, Danielle
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